Six Ways to Become Emotionally Available

How many times have we heard the catchphrase “emotionally unavailable“? More often than not it’s applied to a man, within the context of his inability to commit to a long-term relationship with one woman. But, contrary to what some may believe, being unavailable emotionally is not simply about men being unwilling to relinquish their freedom. In fact it could not be farther from the truth.

The causes are rooted in feelings of inadequacy and a man’s belief that he doesn’t deserve love. The self-preservation mechanism kicks in and the premise of this kind of behaviour is that if you keep a woman (all women!) at arms’ length and don’t engage emotionally, it will hurt far less when you are eventually exposed for the fraud that you believe you are. Ah yes, very safe. You’re right: you’ll never get hurt. But here’s the kicker: you’ll also never be able to experience a truly loving relationship. So, you know what’s coming…

If you want to know how to attract women, you need to become emotionally available.

Even if you’re not quite ready to settle down to nappies, slippers by the fireside and taking the rubbish out, these six tips will help you allow yourself to become more invested in a fulfilling relationship.

Look inside yourself. Really: Be honest about why you think you’re not worthy of a deep, loving relationship. Do you think that if you allow someone to get close they’ll discover the “real” you and reject you? Think about all the reasons you are lovable and worthy.

Pay as much attention to your partner’s feelings as your own: This is a big one and requires you to be receptive to the woman’s need for closeness and intimacy. One way of doing this is through the partnered practice of orgasmic meditation, which allows you to empower and connect with your partner, with no other goal than to be present for her. Even if you’re not yet in a committed relationship and simply want to learn how to attract women, discovering the process of orgasmic mediation will equip you to focus on the importance of making her needs equal to your own.

Say goodbye to the secret life: That means getting rid of your “backup” plan (the other lady or ladies on the side that you pay just enough attention to keep interested “just in case”) and allowing transparency of your past and present (phone, social media etc.). It’s tough, yes; you’ll feel vulnerable, definitely – but it’s the only way to cultivate authentic two-way trust.

Make time for her: And that’s real, quality time, not just snatched minutes here and there or making love on a Sunday morning. If you really want to know how to attract women, understand that the greatest gift you can offer is your time. Again, committing time to orgasmic meditation is one of the most powerful ways of showing a woman you value her emotional and physical needs.

Take responsibility: How you behave is entirely within your power. Be mindful of how deeply your words and actions affect your partner and stop using them to deliberately avoid intimacy. This includes using anger or bullying tactics to make her accept a certain level of distance as the norm within the relationship.

Commit to vulnerability: Ouch. Yes, this one hurts. But committing to opening yourself up to talking about past hurts, insecurities and your most deeply held hopes and fears will allow you to truly know and be known by a woman. Only by admitting, accepting and moving on from the past can you accept yourself as a worthwhile person, deserving of another’s love.

When combined with physical closeness, achieving intimacy on an emotional level provides a nurturing and safe space to be truly available and connected within a committed relationship. This basic emotional kit is compulsory in the journey you are embarking on to learn how to attract women. And that, in the end, is the only true path to discovering your own emotional fulfilment.

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